I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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