Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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