That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
