I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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