Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
