How'd it feel making her break her religion?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
