i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
