Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
