idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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