u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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