i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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