So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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