dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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