My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
