Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
