Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
