I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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