I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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