the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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