Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
