I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
