Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
