Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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