I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
