The maid of honor just puked.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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