am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
