Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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