Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Holy sore nipples Batman
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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