Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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