Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
