Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My life is pants optional.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
