You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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