dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
