I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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