What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
