OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
