The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
