Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
