that's an acceptable place to lick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
