hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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