i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
