Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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