Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
