its not stalking. its research.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
