I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
