Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
