i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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