well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
