I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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