you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
