tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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