My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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