After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Less talking, more tequila
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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